Navigating Social Media with Your Teen
Mom:Megan is on her phone all day every day. I can’t even get her to look up when I am speaking to her. All she cares about is her followers and her likes. These aren’t even people she knows; they can be grown men for all we know. I think she is addicted. She is awful to be around when she’s not on her phone. I hate social media; I can’t keep up with it all.
Megan: My mom is the worst. She is so strict compared to all my friend’s parents. She is constantly yelling at me and she doesn’t understand. If I even look at her the wrong way, she threatens to take away my phone. She doesn’t trust me and always thinks I am doing bad things. I just want to stay connected to my friends.
This is an argument I hear A LOT. The world of social media is continuously evolving and it’s hard for both parents and teens to keep up. Parents want to shield and protect their teens and the teens just want to feel connected to other teens. The good news is this isn’t something new- parents and their teens have been having this fight for ages. Before the fights were about music, or the clothes the kids wore. Today it’s about social media, and teens want to set themselves apart. They don’t want to be on the same apps as their parents, so as parents catch up, teens switch the apps they use.
It doesn’t have to be a constant fight. The average child posts 26 times per day on social media. Participating in social media is the way teens communicate in current times. Learning to successfully navigate social media with your teen will not only help protect your child, but also improve lines of communication.
Social Media: The good and the bad
We’ve all heard the horror stories. Girls lured by predators online, online bullying, and even negative health effects caused by too much screen time. This is all true, however, social media is not all bad. Social media is utilized more and more in schools as a learning tool. Online gaming can enhance teamwork and creativity. Teens can use apps to express their creativity and individuality and finally, social media helps teens stay connected to both their family and their friends.
Stay up to date on the facts
6 out of 10 of your child’s followers are people they know in real life. That means an average of 4 out of 10 followers on social media are people they do not know. Studies show however, that the risks of being exposed to a predator isn’t as great as what peers (in real life, and in social media) expose your teen to. Understand the risks of using social media and keep those risks in proportion – just because your teen uses social media does not mean horrible things will happen to him or her.
Open lines of communication
Start communicating with your teen early on. Teach them to understand the risks of using social media. Let them know there are people that hide behind fake profiles. Make sure they know never to meet up with someone they don’t know in real life. Develop a plan with them on how to respond to requests from people they don’t know in real life. Teach them about the importance of creating strong passwords and never sharing those passwords-even with their BFF’s.
Set limits
If you don’t want your teen on social media 17 hours a day- set those limits early. If they have been allowed 17 hours and then you take that away, they will not understand. Communicate your limits and explain them. Will they argue? Of course they will - they are teenagers. Stay strong with what you feel comfortable. Also be consistent with consequences- your teen should not get their phone taken away for 3 weeks when they rolled their eyes at you if that’s the same consequence for getting a bad report card (keep it proportional).
Put safety features in place: It’s a parent’s prerogative to install parent controls on phones. At the very least, set up social media profiles so they don’t share their personal information. Make sure the geo location settings in the apps are turned off so they can’t be followed. Use strong privacy settings and learn how to block or report abusive users.
Create a supportive environment
Most importantly, create an environment where your teen feels comfortable coming to you if something on social media upsets them. Everyone makes mistakes- be there to help, guide and teach them. If something happens either to them or by them you want your teen focused on getting help, not about avoiding getting in trouble. Agree on ways you will deal with things that may come up (e.g. bullying, inappropriate content) beforehand so they know what to expect.
Megan and her mom still argue- after all Megan is a teenager. However, now, lines of communication are open and both are clear on rules and expectations.
